The Guilty Pleasure Of Bad Movies – Friday The 13th

GuiltyPleasureF13Okay first of all, everyone, except the Amish and/or people who live under rocks, has seen this movie at least once in their lives. And it is a visual pit of shit. I would describe the experience of watching this movie with having a small monkey perched on your shoulder, jerking off into your ear: it’s revolting, it’s the worst thing that ever happened to you, and your first instinct is to do everything in your power to make it stop as soon as humanly possible.

Now that that’s out of the way, this movie is appalling. Right off the bat it’s 1958 and the wholesome, fresh faced teenagers are sittin’ around singin’ camp fire songs, inside, on a fine night when a camp fire would have been appropriate to go outside and sit around.

And then a pair of hormone-addled teens slip away to roll in the hay, figuratively and literally. And they die. And there’s a lot of that in this movie “… and then they die.” This movie also dazzles us with an all-star cast of no-list actors. And that includes Kevin Bacon. Talent-less sack of human waste…

But seriously, as a rule, 99% of the entire cast of ANY of these slasher flicks are just fodder for the killer. They have no depth at all, it’s like their personalities were randomly selected out of a list of generic supporting characters. #17 is nerdy but sincere girl-next-door, #24 is arrogant jock douche-bag who only cares about getting in shape for the BIG GAME this week end. I think Kevin Bacon keeps this book by his bed side and reads it like a bible. It’s the secret of his “success.”

But anyway, the “horror” element of this horror classic is cheap and dated, but it’s a good popcorn movie if you have nothing better to watch/do/eat/steal/kill/whatever. This movie is an inflamed polyp from the arm pit of Hollywood and shouldn’t be seen by anyone, so watch it again some time. The alternative is Spice World, and I wouldn’t suggest that for anything.

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